Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
