I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
