I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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