Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
