mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
