My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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