Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
