i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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