NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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