If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
im holly from the hills drunk
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
