Do vagina's smell?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
