Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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