dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I have post one night stand depression
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
