Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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