Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
