ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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