are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
