I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
