I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
