There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
