Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
