I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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