Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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