i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
just tell him i said nine months
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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