yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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