my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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