bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
