Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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