i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
