so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Small penises have feelings too.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
