i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
