That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
