i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Im just a social blackout drinker.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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