Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Randomize
