I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
