i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
