she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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