Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
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