i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
