i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
