Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
