don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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