you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
