Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I think my vagina is haunted
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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