Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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