i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
