We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
