I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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