ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
