Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
