I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
