I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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