some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
