we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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