So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
