who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
