I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
