Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
