so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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