we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
