i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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