Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
foreskin is a definite game changer
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
