It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize