theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
