Your dad touched me again.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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