Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
