so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
