ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
