Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
