Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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