If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
