I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
