Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
