My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
