All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
