I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
