what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
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